Are we there yet?

The end of this journey is nearing, and I am so thankful. It's been a difficult weekend for me (and K). My stress level seemed to reach it's climax within the past 48 hours, which manifested in conflict with and poor behavior toward K, a night spent alone in the spare bedroom (precipitated by K "acting-out" last night), and then, finally, the tears came this morning. Through the tears came the feeling that the meaning of the commitment we are making to each other on Saturday night and the love that we feel toward each other has gotten lost among the endless details of hosting a party for 135 people. This is precisely what I didn't want either. I am worried that we are going to be so focused on the logistics of the events or on ensuring all of our guests are having a good time that we're going to lose focus on what it's all about...our love and commitment to one another. We've been so focused on the "to-do" list that we are losing sight of that purpose ourselves. Aside from a few hours watching television together on Friday night, I don't think that I had any other moments of joy or enjoyment with K this weekend. And, that just doesn't happen with us.

So, ultimately, we accomplished many of the remaining tasks for the wedding, but there are still a few that linger. I spent today preparing for my class on Wednesday, so that is taken care of thankfully. I had a day full of "pampering" on Saturday, which left me feeling anything but relaxed. It was a day spent with several different people poking at me and feeling vulnerable. It wore me out. To top it off, K was in full college football mode that day, so that did not help matters. And, I have not ran in several days. It was our "off" weekend so I definitely got plenty of rest, but I really wanted and needed to run. But, life interfered this time and something had to give. So, I'm looking forward to our group workout tomorrow night. I need it.

I also need our life back.