Another week gone already? Time seems to be passing much faster now compared to the first 6-7 weeks post-injury when it seemed to inch by as I crossed off each day to get closer to my weight-bearing date. So, let's maintain perspective: tomorrow is 13 weeks from injury, today marks 12 weeks from surgery, and last Friday marked 5 weeks of weight-bearing.
I can sum up the past week with one word - "down." I've definitely been on the low end of the emotional rollercoaster for the past couple of weeks. In part, I think it's because the gains aren't quite as big as they were initially - weight-bearing, getting out of the boot, losing the crutches, driving, climbing stairs all came pretty quickly in the first 2-3 weeks once I was cleared by the doc. Now, the focus has been on continuing to gain range of motion, rebuilding strength, and developing endurance. The progress is still there and is measurable (range of motion is approaching 10 degrees past 90; walking is up to 15 minutes on treadmill), but I'm not seeing the same kind of qualitative changes as I did a few weeks ago.
After weepy PT sessions last week, I realized I needed to refocus the situation. I was looking too much into the future (when are things going to be "normal" again? when can I run? what marathon can I train for next?), and the planner in me was getting frustrated by the unknown nature of it all. My PT told me in no uncertain terms on Friday that I needed to accept the fact that I had a traumatic injury and did some serious damage to my ankle. It won't be the same again. But, that doesn't mean that I shouldn't fight to regain as much of my former self as possible. Fight for the range of motion. Push for the strength and endurance. I realized that I need to focus on the here and now and what I can do today and what I need to do for tomorrow.
Talk about burying the lead here. My PT let me "run" in his office on Friday. Don't get the wrong idea. It was just a few steps, and it was painful. I'm not sure whether he allowed me to do it because he felt sorry for me in my discouraged state or whether he wanted to get a baseline of where I was (or for me to get the baseline of where I currently am). I've got a long way to go.
We have some exciting events coming up this week which I am looking forward to. Which means that it's time to try getting my foot in regular shoes again, as I really don't want to rock the tennis shoes with a dress look for RP's wedding. The swelling continues to go down, so it's just a matter of finding a shoe that I can get my foot in and walk in comfortably. Fingers crossed something works.
One positive thing that may come out of this whole ordeal is the opportunity to partner up with my PT to do some clinical work with his adult orthopedic patients who need the extra help. With my personal experience and professional skill, I think I can help make a difference for some folks. I know I could have really used a me to help me through this process. I'm by no means giving up my child and adolescent specialty, but working out of his office one day a week would offer good diversity to my practice. We'll see how things evolve over the next few months. I'm open for business as a private pay practice right now, and I am going through the credentialing process with several insurance companies. Hopefully that goes quickly, as it can really extend out up to 4 months. Eek.
On the house front, things have stalled out in terms of getting fully settled in. We've reached that point where the essentials are taken care of so the urgency isn't there. K's doing dial seems to be permanently broken which doesn't help matters. I know I'll feel better once everything is taken care of, but it's hard to do when I get tired so easily after being on my feet and when I'd much rather relax with K than work on the house in the evenings or weekends. So, that housewarming party may not happen until June at this point...
Monday, April 19, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Closer to normal, yet still far away...
Today marks 12 weeks from injury, and yesterday marked 11 weeks from surgery. I have been weight-bearing for a month. And, while I have obviously made progress, there is still a lot of ground to cover ahead. It seems that the closer I get to "normal" activities, the more it becomes apparent that I'm not back to "normal" yet. The past week or so has had it's emotional up's and down's as I continue to deal with the rehab process.
First, let me focus on the positive (which I tend to not do). My range of motion has continued to improve, which has allowed my PT to work on other things. In fact, he declared today that he is no longer worried about my progress (or lack thereof). Walking continues to show intermittent improvement, but I ask my PT each session for feedback ("What am I doing wrong?") because it's still not "normal." Today seemed better than it has thus far, although still with areas to focus on. I have been grateful that I'm able to workout at the gym again. I have been pleasantly surprised with the cardio that survived the months of inactivity, and I realized that the endurance athlete inside me has a hard time exercising in moderation.
So, reality is that everything seems to be going as well as can be expected at this point. I seem to be over the hump and continuing to make progress. It's just that whole running thing that I've insisted on working back to and the time that it will take to get back to "normal." My impatience is showing, I know. I have to wait until my 3-month follow-up with the surgeon in 2 weeks (and 2 days but who's counting) to get cleared to run then my PT will start working with me on a progression of activities that seem like they will take me into June. I'm not necessarily trying to rush the process because it's apparent that there are still things I need to master before I can try to run. I'm not stupid enough to think that I can run when I still can't walk normally yet. I need to continue gaining range of motion and developing strength first. I'm just frustrated with the amount of time the whole recovery process has taken...and just how much of my life has been taken away by this. I miss running, but I also miss the community of running. Travel plans have been canceled or postponed. And, there's the financial losses this has caused as well.
I know things are improving day by day. I really do. I see it with each new movement or activity. I'm just frustrated that there's still a long way to go on this road. I know what I need to do to cope, and I know that I'll get through this. What other choice do I have than to keep moving forward, one step at a time? I just wish those steps were a little faster, that's all.
First, let me focus on the positive (which I tend to not do). My range of motion has continued to improve, which has allowed my PT to work on other things. In fact, he declared today that he is no longer worried about my progress (or lack thereof). Walking continues to show intermittent improvement, but I ask my PT each session for feedback ("What am I doing wrong?") because it's still not "normal." Today seemed better than it has thus far, although still with areas to focus on. I have been grateful that I'm able to workout at the gym again. I have been pleasantly surprised with the cardio that survived the months of inactivity, and I realized that the endurance athlete inside me has a hard time exercising in moderation.
So, reality is that everything seems to be going as well as can be expected at this point. I seem to be over the hump and continuing to make progress. It's just that whole running thing that I've insisted on working back to and the time that it will take to get back to "normal." My impatience is showing, I know. I have to wait until my 3-month follow-up with the surgeon in 2 weeks (and 2 days but who's counting) to get cleared to run then my PT will start working with me on a progression of activities that seem like they will take me into June. I'm not necessarily trying to rush the process because it's apparent that there are still things I need to master before I can try to run. I'm not stupid enough to think that I can run when I still can't walk normally yet. I need to continue gaining range of motion and developing strength first. I'm just frustrated with the amount of time the whole recovery process has taken...and just how much of my life has been taken away by this. I miss running, but I also miss the community of running. Travel plans have been canceled or postponed. And, there's the financial losses this has caused as well.
I know things are improving day by day. I really do. I see it with each new movement or activity. I'm just frustrated that there's still a long way to go on this road. I know what I need to do to cope, and I know that I'll get through this. What other choice do I have than to keep moving forward, one step at a time? I just wish those steps were a little faster, that's all.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
A matter of degrees...
Time for the weekly update since I only seem to be getting around to updating once a week to track progress. So, today is 11 weeks from injury and yesterday was 10 weeks from surgery. I have been weight-bearing for 3 1/2 weeks. What's changed in the past week?
Well, after my PT raised my anxiety/fear level about making a full recovery last Monday, I pulled, yanked, and stretched on my foot for the next couple of days. When I saw him later in the week, he was pleased with the progress and said whatever I had done worked because it now felt "spongy" rather than a "hard end" when flexing my foot. Spongy he can work with; a hard end not so much. He also measured my range of motion and I was able to pull my foot back about 4 degrees past 90. I only have about 10 degrees past 90 in my non-injured foot so he said I didn't have *that* much further to go. Ha, he makes it sound so easy! Feeling less discouraged, I made my first trip to the gym in months. When he cleared me to "go to town" on the elliptical and bike, I doubt he meant go for an hour on my first outing. But, I couldn't help myself. I was listening to the playlist I use when trail running (for hours) and just got lost in it. I had to force myself to stop or I could have gone longer and overdid it (as I am prone to do). Walking is still an effort, although seems to be getting better (although still very slow) unless I am tired. And, I get tired soooo quickly after being on my feet. My foot is still swollen enough that I can't get most of my shoes on, and walking seems to be most comfortable in tennis shoes. I miss my flip-flops. Let's see, what else? Oh, stairs! I was inspired by Bob working with O'Neal on the Biggest Loser last week on climbing stairs with alternating steps so I was able to conquer that myself as well! I'm still going down with single steps though, so hopefully I can conquer that this week. Being able to drive again has really given me my independence back. It's been wonderful to be able to get myself around as needed without having to rely on K. So, realistically, where to from here? Many more weeks of PT ahead. Hopefully, I will be ready to start the walk/jog next month with running freely in June or (gasp) July. Ugh.
Looking ahead to something positive, we finally booked our TdF package (which was mucho dinero, but I kept telling K this is a once in a lifetime experience!). We will be in France for 2 weeks total and are going to spend the first week in Paris then join the Tour for the final 4 stages (final mountain stage in Pyrenees, flat stage, individual time trial, and arrival in Paris). To say that I am excited would be an understatement.
We're still slowly getting settled in the house. With the house in livable condition (but far from completely unpacked), I've hit a lull in the unpacking for the past few days with other things going on. I'm not even working and I still can't get everything done on my to-do list! Speaking of work, I desperately need to start earning some income again. I finally finished and sent off the remaining applications for insurance contracts. Now comes the credentialing process which can take months. I hope I did the right thing by signing my professional life away like this.
Well, after my PT raised my anxiety/fear level about making a full recovery last Monday, I pulled, yanked, and stretched on my foot for the next couple of days. When I saw him later in the week, he was pleased with the progress and said whatever I had done worked because it now felt "spongy" rather than a "hard end" when flexing my foot. Spongy he can work with; a hard end not so much. He also measured my range of motion and I was able to pull my foot back about 4 degrees past 90. I only have about 10 degrees past 90 in my non-injured foot so he said I didn't have *that* much further to go. Ha, he makes it sound so easy! Feeling less discouraged, I made my first trip to the gym in months. When he cleared me to "go to town" on the elliptical and bike, I doubt he meant go for an hour on my first outing. But, I couldn't help myself. I was listening to the playlist I use when trail running (for hours) and just got lost in it. I had to force myself to stop or I could have gone longer and overdid it (as I am prone to do). Walking is still an effort, although seems to be getting better (although still very slow) unless I am tired. And, I get tired soooo quickly after being on my feet. My foot is still swollen enough that I can't get most of my shoes on, and walking seems to be most comfortable in tennis shoes. I miss my flip-flops. Let's see, what else? Oh, stairs! I was inspired by Bob working with O'Neal on the Biggest Loser last week on climbing stairs with alternating steps so I was able to conquer that myself as well! I'm still going down with single steps though, so hopefully I can conquer that this week. Being able to drive again has really given me my independence back. It's been wonderful to be able to get myself around as needed without having to rely on K. So, realistically, where to from here? Many more weeks of PT ahead. Hopefully, I will be ready to start the walk/jog next month with running freely in June or (gasp) July. Ugh.
Looking ahead to something positive, we finally booked our TdF package (which was mucho dinero, but I kept telling K this is a once in a lifetime experience!). We will be in France for 2 weeks total and are going to spend the first week in Paris then join the Tour for the final 4 stages (final mountain stage in Pyrenees, flat stage, individual time trial, and arrival in Paris). To say that I am excited would be an understatement.
We're still slowly getting settled in the house. With the house in livable condition (but far from completely unpacked), I've hit a lull in the unpacking for the past few days with other things going on. I'm not even working and I still can't get everything done on my to-do list! Speaking of work, I desperately need to start earning some income again. I finally finished and sent off the remaining applications for insurance contracts. Now comes the credentialing process which can take months. I hope I did the right thing by signing my professional life away like this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)