Recovery...

K just slathered my quad with Icy-Hot. I told him not to kill me.

Spent much of the day just laying in bed watching television off and on. I announced that I wanted to go to Maiko for dinner tonight, so we did. I love sushi.

Then, we went to see "Live Free or Die Hard." Lots of guns, lots of explosions, lots of action. Interesting premise. Not bad for a summer blockbuster.

Last...

Today, I was the last Rogue in. Last. Granted, I ran 16 miles and most folks ran 12 or 14, but even then I typically catch up to the slower folks who are running slightly less mileage than me. Not today. Today was quite humbling, and a learning experience as well.

We ran Crestview today, which is one of my favorite runs and I have generally had a really strong run the previous 2-3 times I have done it - I remember feeling like I could have run 18 or 20 when I have done this one before. So, I actually wasn't feeling too nervous or negative about the run beforehand, although I guess I was minimizing the fact that I haven't ran since last Thursday.

Anyway, K and I had a good pasta dinner and got the right amount of sleep last night. The alarm went off at 5am and I was ready to go! We got to the Annex and saw many friendly, familiar faces. Carolyn made her announcements and sent us on our way. My usual shin/calf pain stuck with me for the first 4 miles or so, and I had to stop to stretch a few times. It can get really painful to run when it flares up, so the negative thoughts started in pretty early. "I could just turn around and head back right now." I stuck with it and the pain cleared up by mile 5 or so. But then, the hydration issues kicked in. As usual, I was soooooo thirsty and craving fluids. I had 2 full cups of water at each water stop, but it just never felt like enough even though I knew it was. My stomach was sloshing and cramping because of all the water I was drinking, so I had to stop to try to let it settle every now and then. All of this started right after the 2nd water stop at just under mile 6. Again, the negative thoughts kicked in big time. "I can turn around when the 14-milers cut off instead of keeping going to do the full 16 that I'm supposed to do." I really had myself convinced that was what I was going to do for the next 2 miles. But, then I hit the next water stop and cut-off point for the 14-milers. Scott was the coach there. There were 3 other girls there getting water at the same time with me. They were getting directions from Scott on where to turn to continue on the 14-mile route. He asked me if I knew where I was going. Yes, I'm going straight. I couldn't believe those words were coming out of my mouth. He said good for you, told me where to go, and said to make sure I get more water at the next water stop in 2 miles to stay hydrated. Off I went on the 16-mile route. My tummy issues just got progressively worse though. I even had to stop and go to the bathroom. Scott was waiting for me at the next water stop and gave me his water bottle to take with me so that I could have fluids when I needed it. I asked if I was the last one - he said yes, but most people didn't run 16. Argh. He said I looked like I was running strong...which actually I felt like I was when I was running. It was just having to frequently stop to try to settle my stomach that was the problem. Onward, only about 6 miles to go. I saw Ruth and Carolyn at the last 2 water stops, and explained my hydration/stomach problem. Again, Ruth said that I looked like I was still running strong. My legs felt fine, cardio felt fine, it was just my darn stomach! Ruth thought maybe it was an electrolyte imbalance since I was drinking so much water, and Carolyn also suggested taking in more electrolytes during the week. I somehow managed to make my way back to the Annex. Last. It wasn't pretty, but at least I didn't quit.

Thirty-one...

Last weekend K and I were talking about our upcoming travel plans and I suddenly realized that I am going to be 31 in a month. Thirty-one. Wow. Turning 30 last year didn't bother me one bit, but for some reason I think this might. Getting older has never really bothered me. In fact, I always looked forward to it because I have always been the youngest in school, among my friends and co-workers, etc...that is until I became the older woman with K. Fortunately, the age difference hasn't been a big issue for us. But, now I'm going to be 31! He'll be 28 in December.

Partly because of another conversation we had last weekend, I seem to have really been reflecting on where I am and where I am going this week. When I was younger, being in my 30's seemed so far away. Like many people, I anticipated that I would be married, have the kids and the house in the suburbs, have a successful career (have my own practice), be financially secure, and be personally fulfilled by the time I was this age. Don't misunderstand me, I *love* my life right now. I am so blessed to have found K and we have a wonderful relationship. We just moved into a fantastic little house a couple of months ago. We travel. We enjoy each other so much. I am proud of my running accomplishments. I have great friends and a loving family. I have a successful career as a psychologist. I don't have much to complain about. Reality has just turned out different than the expectation, I guess. I wonder what 31 will bring...

Wonder Woman

One of my best friends in college used to call me Wonder Woman because I somehow managed to excel at school while spending several nights a week at the clubs as well. Ah, good times.

We had a layover in Phoenix on our way back from Vegas on Monday and found a cute shop with a lot of original artsy type stuff to look through before our flight. I got this magnet:

"I am fairly certain that if given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world."

Yes, yes, I could.

Resolution...

I need resolution to things. As a therapist, I had to learn to be okay when things are unfinished with a client at the end of a session. Inexperienced therapists often rush in too quickly to try to "fix" the problem, in part because they want things wrapped up with a nice pretty bow for (themselves and) the client when the session is over. But, that's really not what's helpful or needed by the client. I had to learn to be okay with leaving things open and unresolved with my clients, even though it felt uncomfortable for me initially. I had to trust the therapeutic process. And, I do now. I haven't felt that struggle in a long time.

But, outside of the therapy room is another story altogether. I like to have order and control, that's no secret to anybody who knows me. I need to have things resolved and taken care of...not left undone or unsaid. I can't move forward or act as if there's not a problem until that problem or issue has been addressed and satisfactorily resolved. It frustrates me beyond belief that K is able to fall asleep instantly at night while I'm often still "stewing" about a situation that I don't feel has been adequately resolved.

I need resolution. I just do.

A beginner no more....

I want to be a beginner again. I liked being a beginner. I had fun as a beginner. I was never disappointed with my performance as a beginner. I was never afraid of failing as a beginner...but, now I am.

Rogue has several different training group levels - beginner, intermediate, advanced, Performance Project/Boston Qualifying. I've been in so many different Rogue groups now that they all blur together to some extent. I've moved my way through the various groups, with my last couple of groups in the Performance Project and BQ realm. Things are definitely much harder and more challenging now. Yes, as K has said, I have set a more aggressive goal for myself this time around so I obviously need a more intense training program. But, it doesn't mean I like it.

I haven't ran since last Thursday. There I said it. Friday was a rest day, so no harm done there. I brought my running stuff to Vegas, mapped out some routes, and fully intended to run while I was there. But, that didn't happen. As I said, our first stop on Saturday morning was to CVS...not my 14-miler. I didn't feel well while I was there, and on top of that it was already in the upper 80's early in the morning. Not the best conditions for me to run. K and I didn't go to the workout tonight. I still didn't feel back to 100% and had a stressful day back at work, so opted for a low-key evening without running instead. The workout tonight was the Warhurst (1 mile at Half-marathon pace then 800 meters at 10-12k pace). The beginners and intermediate groups did this twice, while the advanced and BQ groups did this 3 times! As I said, I want to be a beginner again....

I never even really thought that qualifying for Boston could be a possibility for me until I ran a sub-23 minute 5k last year. I remember plugging in my time into McMillan later that day and then sending this email to K...

"Okay, just for kicks I plugged my time from today into McMillan to get a ballpark idea of a new MGP and a 3:43 marathon popped out. Interesting...."

And, that's really when it all changed for me running-wise. This is definitely the harder path....

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas....

There's no place like home, there's no place like home. Bags are unpacked, email checked, pictures uploaded. Back to work tomorrow. We had a good time in Vegas, but I'm also happy to be home. It was definitely blazing hot, and surprisingly, I didn't melt. I spent much of Friday and Saturday relaxing at the pool. We had dinner with K's fraternity brothers from college at an authentic German restaurant on Friday night...that was a hoot! I was super exhausted though since we got slightly less than 4 hours of sleep due to the flight debacle from the night before. I woke up on Saturday not feeling well at all, so we headed to CVS next door to get meds. Not the way I had hoped to spend the trip! The wedding was Saturday night at the wedding chapel in the Monte Carlo. It was interesting to see K with all of his college buddies and made me wonder what he was like back then. I know many of you could tell a tale or two about my college days, so we'll keep that hush-hush! Most of his friends flew out early on Sunday morning, so K and I had the day to ourselves to explore. We went to several of the other casinos, each with their own distinctive flair. I was somewhat underwhelmed though with some of them...I've been to the real Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, the Coliseum in Rome, so the appeal of those attractions was lost on me. On the other hand, the fountains at the Bellagio were a must-see. Some of the casinos were definitely very swank and posh...I'm sure it's a pampered experience to stay in some of them. I didn't gamble at all...yes, I went to Vegas and didn't gamble. K gambled a little here and there, but didn't get in over his head. We had a lovely dinner at Spago on Sunday night and window-shopped at the Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace. I still salivate at the sight of some of those high-end shops...Gucci, Prada, Dolce and Gabbana, Chanel. But, I'm definitely not the label whore that I once was. I don't know how I ever afforded to be in the first place! Back to reality now.....

Flight 2890 CANCELLED!

Grrrrrr.....we are supposed to be on our way to Vegas right now, but instead I am back at home sitting on hold with unhelpful customer service people. K and I were sleepily sitting at the gate tonight getting ready for our 10:15pm flight, eagerly looking forward to our trip. K happened to look up and saw that the gate now read "Cancelled." WHAT? Sure enough, the airline folks came out a few minutes later to inform everyone that the flight had been cancelled due to mechanical problems. Thankfully, K was one of the first people in line to get rebooked, so we are now on a 6am flight tomorrow (which obviously sucks since we have to get up at 4 something). I've spent almost an hour now on the phone with airline and hotel people trying to get the rest of our reservation changed...I think it's finally done. We're now coming home on Monday instead of Sunday....but with an extra price tag of $168.79. Like I said, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............

It's HOT in Las Vegas! Who knew???

So, I'm doing laundry tonight to get ready for our trip tomorrow. I asked K if he checked to see what the weather was going to be like so I'd have an idea of what to pack. Silly me, it didn't really occur to me that we are going to the desert in the middle of the summer, so I naively looked up the weather forecast online and was stunned to see that it's going to be 106 degrees tomorrow! Oh, but wait, it gets better...it's going to be 108 on Friday! And, 106 on Saturday! Then, a cool front must hit because it's only supposed to be 103 on Sunday. Are you kidding me??? I don't do heat very well...at all. Yes, I know, I live in Texas. But, that doesn't mean that I like the heat. So, I announced to K that I will not be wearing any clothes while we are there and not leaving the pool or A/C. He, unsuccessfully, tried to assure me that I won't melt. Hmph. After seeing that forecast, I suddenly have less confidence that I will be doing that 14-miler on Saturday....Stay tuned.

I fought the law....and I won!

I successfully avoided getting served a subpoena! When I was in private practice, I regularly got served to obtain my records and/or testify in court on a case since I was doing work for Child Protective Services (CPS). Testifying in court is hands down one of the most stressful things that I have ever had to do. Lawyers are not nice people when they are cross-examining you. Anyway, even though I currently work in the juvenile justice system, it is apparently extremely rare for them to call us into court to testify here...and, well, seeing as I'm not seeing any kids on my own right now then the chances of that are even less! So, I thought all those days were behind me....until I came home one day last month and found a card from the Constable's office on the door. It had a website and cause number listed, so once I checked it out then I realized I was getting subpoenaed on a CPS case from when I was in private practice. I told K later that day not to answer the door or accept a subpoena on my behalf. He apparently didn't realize what I was being subpoenaed for and immediately asked "What did you do?" Hmph. The constable came by 3 times before 8am last month. I am certainly not getting out of bed to go answer the door to get served! He hasn't been by since 05/30/07. I got a call from my former co-worker, Jennifer, on Monday inquiring whether I had to testify this week. She was subpoenaed as well in this case and indicated that the court date was set for today and tomorrow. I just checked the website to see the status of my subpoena and it now says "Unexecuted - unable to locate prior to court date." Woohoo! Now, lest you all think I am doing something horrible by not testifying, the DA already got my records from the practice and my involvement in this particular case was quite minimal. Part of the reason that I left my former job was because I didn't want to be in a situation where I would have to be testifying on a regular basis. I actually also just found out from Jennifer on Monday that the practice will be closing next month. I'm glad I got out when I did!

And, the results are in...

I don't actually suck that bad...at least at this distance. Here's my times from tonight's workout (8x200's with 200 meter recovery): 1- 45 seconds, 2 - 49 seconds, 3 - 48 seconds, 4 - 47 seconds, 5 - 45 seconds, 6 - 46 seconds, 7 - 49 seconds, 8 - 46 seconds. I kept reminding myself before and during the workout that I actually did this workout the last week of Mac's 5k/10k PR class in April, but we did 12 repeats instead of 8. So, this should be a piece of cake, right? Ed ran with me during the workout and did a great job of trying to keep me positive and focused. Thanks, Ed.

K fixed dinner for us while I took a shower when we got home from the workout. He's good like that. Now, getting him to do the dishes is another story...

Well, you have to start somewhere...

My first blog. My first post. So, to be honest, the reason that I decided to start a blog was because I figured it would give me something to do at work when I want to avoid actually working...which, unfortunately, seems to be a lot lately. I got promoted to the head of our unit a few months ago, and my job responsibilities are much more managerial now. Sadly, I am doing much less direct clinical work than I would like. But, I do love my job. We are bringing on a new psychologist in the next couple of weeks, so I am looking forward to having a colleague again.

Then, there's the running thing. I figured this might be a good venue for me to deal with my running neurosis. Seriously, I need to go to a shrink. The mental component of running is really interfering with my performance...and has been for awhile now. I have to get my head on straight about this or I am going to crash and burn...again. I'm doing the BQ Fall Marathon program with Ruth, and am planning on running the Columbus Marathon in October. I've even somehow managed to rope K into training and running it with me! My goal is a lofty one - 3:40 to qualify, a challenge under even the most ideal conditions. So, tonight's workout has been changed from hills to a speed workout. I think I'm glad about that, but I might not be after our 5th 200 meter repeat. We're doing 8x200's at mile pace, so that's about 48 seconds based on my goal pace. Um, that's fast (maybe not for "the fast club," but for me at least). And, it's a million degrees outside. I'm not exaggerating. It's hot. I'm struggling with the heat and humidity right now.

Okay, something positive. K and I are going to Vegas this weekend. We leave late Thursday night and come home late Sunday night. One of his college friends is getting married on Saturday night. I'm looking forward to meeting some of his friends from that period in his life, getting away!, and lounging at the pool. We're staying at the Monte Carlo. I'm super excited.

Off to a good start here!