In the home stretch...

We're almost there. I'm starting to feel slightly calmer (for the moment at least).

It really helps to have a 3-day weekend coming up. This is our "off" weekend in terms of running too, so that really opens up our schedule in terms of time and not having to plan things around running. I'm probably going to still do a few shorter runs though to maintain sanity.

We went through the wedding to-do list last night, and I think we just have a few tasks left. I'm hoping to spend one day this weekend on wedding stuff and another day preparing for my class next week. I realized last night that I probably need to start packing for the honeymoon on Monday because we have things going on every night next week. I think that will make the fact that I will be in Greece in less than 10 days more real to me.

Kurt started his month sabbatical from work today. But, he's been busy running around crossing off things from his "honey-do" list to really enjoy it. Now, he's going to meet friends for happy hour while I go get a massage. It helps to know that he'll be available next week while I'm at work to take care of any last minute things. Everything is becoming last minute now though.

It's been a hectic week at work, as usual. But, it feels really good to know that I only have 3 more days in the office. I'm trying to get things in a good place before I leave, but I know that there will likely be drama of some sort regardless while I'm away that they will have to deal with.

Getting back to what's important...

I'm absolutely exhausted, but also feeling rejuvenated at the same time, if that's possible. I just got home from teaching my first class and it went even better than I could have hoped!

It's been a long day running off minimal sleep though.

We had our group workout last night up at St. Edward's Park again. Another hill workout, although I didn't like this one quite as much as I liked last week's workout. As I was finishing up my final loop headed downhill, I was greeted with the sound of a rattler just off to my right. Yes, it was a rattlesnake! I didn't stick around to check it out, and I made it down that hill pretty fast after that point. Others encountered it as well. After the workout, we had dinner at Mangia with Joe and some of the folks from our group. As we were leaving, I realized that we wouldn't see Joe for a month because of his upcoming travels next week and then ours. Our race will only be a month away at that point! I'm excited.

Since I had to teach tonight, I knew that I would have to get up early this morning in order to get my run in today. So, that's what I did, although I wasn't happy about it when the alarm went off at 6am after not being able to shut my mind off to be able to sleep until well after midnight last night. I ran an easy 7-miles this morning, and it felt great to get it done, especially on such a busy day.

I managed to pull things together (at the very last minute) for my class tonight. Even though I was so tired, I was looking forward to the class. And, it went so well! It was their first class in the program, and I think they feel like they got off to a good start. This course really marks the beginning of their evolution into becoming a therapist, and it feels really rewarding to be a part of that. I guess that's what I like about teaching others - sharing my knowledge and seeing them grow. Again, I think that once the wedding craziness is over then I will obviously have more time to devote to preparation for the class and it won't be such a stressor for me.

Negative...

This is going to be a negative post. I am writing it in hopes that I can then let these feelings go.

Throughout this wedding process, I have been surprised and disheartened to learn who I can depend on and who I can't, which even includes some of the people who are closest to me. Tonight, I had a difficult conversation with one of my best friends from my days in Dallas who was supposed to be an usher in our wedding. The key phrase is "was supposed to be." I have also been disappointed by others who haven't really been there for me along this journey in the way that I would have hoped. It is abundantly (and painfully in some cases) clear that everybody is busy leading their own lives. I guess I had hoped that most would be able to find a way to put their life on hold for a few hours on one night in September to celebrate one of the most important events in my/our life. I have been disappointed to learn that most of my friends from college, graduate school, and internship will not be able to attend the wedding. Obviously, given that neither K or I grew up in Austin or went to school here, we knew that a lot of people (family and friends) would have to travel to attend. It seems that having children has made that difficult for most folks. Yet another reason that I am not eager to jump on the baby train anytime soon.

As Jane reminded me recently, it is not just about this one night though. We will need our friends in our lives beyond this one occasion, and I hope that they will be able to be there for us. I know that I should focus on the positive - I will be marrying the man I love in just a few short days from now and I will be happy to share the experience with those who are there. And, I will be.

But, for the moment, I am hurt and disappointed. Have I mentioned recently how happy I will be when all this is over?

Weekend update...

We'll be on a plane to Dallas in precisely two weeks to catch our international flight to Greece (via Amsterdam). I will be the new Dr./Mrs. Mohlman. And, all this wedding craziness will finally be behind us and we can embrace our life as happy newlyweds. I can't wait.

I was able to schedule a fitting at the last minute for Friday evening. Otherwise, my schedule would have been too hectic to do it until Thursday, which would have been just a little over a week before the wedding. I really didn't want to cut it that close in case there were any problems. Thankfully, there weren't. It was the first time that I got to see how the dress looks when it actually fits me. I loved it even more. It's so very me. She has to bring the hem up slightly, but otherwise everything is done. I'll pick it up on Saturday.

Our group went out to Bastrop State Park for the long run yesterday, but I wasn't able to go because I had a faculty meeting at St. Ed's. I had asked Joe if it was okay for me to reverse my Saturday and Sunday runs, which he was fine with. So, I did a 7-mile solo run on the Greenbelt yesterday morning then spent much of the day at St. Ed's. By the time that I got home, my stress level had quadrupled (if that is even possible at this point) and I was really feeling like I had bitten off more than I could chew in terms of taking this on with everything else at this point. I know it will be better after September is over, but it just really adds to my stress level right now in terms of finding time to plan. I have to finalize my syllabus and the course assignments before the first class on Wednesday. I had intended to work on that this weekend and not focus on wedding stuff, but wedding stuff has still creeped in. It has to. We're running out of time.

We headed out to Bastrop this morning to do our long run for the weekend. We didn't start until 8am, so it really warmed up in the last few miles that I was out there. I ran 15-16 miles, while K did a shorter route and then enjoyed some tranquility while waiting for me to finish. I didn't feel as strong as I did during last weekend's run, perhaps because I ran 7 yesterday. Nevertheless, I got it done. K made his famous "K burgers" for lunch when we got home. Now, I feel a nap coming on...

Up's and Down's....

I can't believe another week has already gone by. It's been full of up's and down's, mostly down's. I am so grumpy right now - I know it's due to stress and hormones. I find myself so frustrated/disappointed/irritated with everyone and everything right now. K is not excluded from that either.

One of the low's this week came at work, of course. On Tuesday morning, one of my staff mistakenly sent an email to me instead of her intended co-worker in which they were "venting" about me. Obviously, it was incredibly hurtful to see that, especially when I feel like I am busting my butt for them.

I've had several good runs this week, so I guess that would be considered the high for the week. After the incident at work on Tuesday, I just wanted to curl up and feel sorry for myself. I didn't want to go to our group workout, even though I knew that running would make me feel better. We made it through the rain and traffic up to St. Edward's Park just in time for the workout. It was a hill workout, and I was one of the few (maybe only) who did 2 full complete loops for about 8 miles total. I think the trail running has really helped me develop my endurance and strength for running uphill, and I just love flying on the downhill (as long as it isn't toooo steep). Joe ran behind me as I was going down and said that I really "hammered" it. It was fun.

Then, last night and this morning I got a couple of good runs in on the Katy Trail while I was in Dallas. Our hotel was downtown so I ran through downtown up to the beginning of the Katy Trail near the American Airlines Center. This was the first time that I have been on that section since they finished the extension into downtown. I ran 6 miles last night and 7 miles this morning. I had a really good run this morning with slightly cooler temps (although the usual humidity) and ran "comfortably fast." It's good to remember what that feels like.

Stressed...

I think that any post I write over the next few weeks will be called that. Everything in my life is so busy and hectic right now. A recap of the past few days...

I took my first sick day of the year on Friday. I woke up and got ready for work, but just really felt wiped out physically with the beginnings of a sore throat developing. I was concerned that it would just get worse if I continued on full-force, so I decided (for once) that I needed to take care of myself. After all, they are going to have to learn to live without me at work for 2 weeks soon anyway! So, I rested for a bit then took care of some cleaning and other things around the house. My mom also came down from Dallas a day earlier than planned and we spent the afternoon running errands, including a trip to Polka Dots to see what all the buzz was about with their cupcakes. YUM! I had the caramel toffee bites and saved the Vanilla Chocolate Chip for dessert after dinner. We got K the Strawberry Shortcake and Irish Cream. As we were winding down before going to sleep that night, I told K that I really needed that day. It was just what the doctor ordered.

On Saturday morning, we got up early and headed out to Pedernales Falls State Park to meet up with our running group for our long run. Our coach had marked the course for us on Friday night, which also happened to be the same course they were using for the Dark Side Series race later that night. Other than the first 2 miles which were completely boring, the rest of the route was enjoyable. I did a full loop for 8.5 miles then did a shorter out and back to get 12.5 miles total. I had a great run and continued to feel really strong. I probably need to work on slowing my pace though, especially as the distances get longer. After we finished our run, K and I went over to check out the falls. As we were driving back home, I commented to K how much fun that was. I don't know that I've ever really said that after a regular road run.

We got back to Austin with plenty of time to spare before my bridal shower later in the afternoon. The girls did such a great job putting everything together, and we had a lovely time. Congrats to The Enforcer for winning the "How well do you know Melissa and Kurt?" game. She's a champ, as always.

Then, we spent the evening watching the women's marathon while taking care of things for the wedding. It was a long day, and I was pretty exhausted, especially since I didn't get a quality post-run nap. This does not bode well for the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner when I am planning to run 17 that morning (and 10 the day of the wedding).

Even though I was physically tired, my mind was going nuts thinking of everything that has to get done over the next few weeks. I went to bed stressed out and I woke up feeling that way as well. K finally told me that I needed to go run around 9am yesterday. He was right. I had a good 7-mile run on the Greenbelt. I know that running takes up a lot of time, but I don't regret my decision to train for Palo Duro in the months before the wedding. I would have gone crazy by now without that as a stress relief.

Yesterday was busy with a massage, dance lessons, and more wedding stuff. The upcoming week will be just as busy. I'm going to Dallas and Fort Worth for work on Wednesday-Thursday. Thankfully it will only be 1 overnight instead of 2 that were originally discussed. I only have 10 more days when I will actually be in the office until I'm off work for the wedding/honeymoon. That is stressful in and of itself because I have so much to do here as well.

And, then there's the whole preparing to teach my first class next Wednesday! I know it will all get done somehow. I just might lose my sanity in the process.

To make matters worse, I just found out that the applicant who we were looking to hire for the other psychologist position declined the offer. So, my work situation will not improve for awhile, and in fact will likely get worse after the honeymoon. Life just keeps getting better and better!

Respite...

I got a few hours of respite tonight from mi vida loco. We went to see Lyle Lovett and his Large Band tonight at The Long Center. This was my birthday present from K. He knows how much I love Lyle and I couldn't afford to get the tickets myself with all of the expenses for the wedding sapping my meager budget right now. So, he surprised me by getting them for me. This was our first trip to The Long Center - what a great view of downtown from the upper lounge! The acoustics were fantastic, and Lyle was of course great. His band was indeed quite large and very talented. It was a very different show compared to when we saw him with John Hiatt, Joe Ely, and Guy Clark at the Paramount a few months ago. He's so quirky and entertaining when he talks between songs. They didn't play a couple of my favorite songs, but I did get to hear some great ones, old and new. One of his songs will be featured prominently in our wedding. :) I even asked K on our way home if we could just have an all Lyle playlist for the wedding. He didn't go for it.

The straw that broke mel's back...

Really, this is the absolute last thing that I need thrown on top of everything else I am dealing with. I guess it's not enough to be stressed about work, a last-minute business trip to Dallas next week, money, preparing to teach a class in 2 weeks, and oh yeah, a wedding in 3 1/2 weeks. I just got a subpoena to provide records and testimony at a trial on September 12. September 12, ya know the day when I was supposed to be relaxing on a beautiful beach in Greece far far away from all this stress?!?!?

I don't even have time to have the emotional breakdown about all of this that I deserve.

On our way...

We went to get our marriage license at the County Clerk's office this morning. We were there bright and early before they opened at 8am so that I could get to work on time. There was another couple there as well, but they apparently had not done their homework about the requirements and were turned away since they are not getting married in the next 30 days. But, we are! It was quick and easy. Apparently, the State is changing the requirements next month to include a premarital preparation course. Interesting.

This weekend should be busy crossing off "to-do's" from our wedding list. I am picking up my shoes in the morning on my way to get my dress fitted. I'm a little nervous about it - I hope she can make it fit perfectly. Then, we are going to order our programs. We officially have the weekend off completely from running (although I asked Joe if I could still do something easy) so we should have time to get things done (I hope).

I'm really stressed out right now with work on top of everything else. I haven't slept well for the past couple of nights, and my stomach has been absolutely in knots all day. Hopefully, a run this evening will help relieve some stress.

Bull Creek = falls

Each time that I have fallen has been at Bull Creek. Today was no exception.

After a restless night without much sleep, we got right up when the alarm went off at 4:30 am. I know how hard that is to believe. We had a pretty good turnout of folks for the 5:30 am workout. Joe had marked a short loop with glow sticks (very cool) and instructed us to do at least 5 loops, but he said that he'd be there until 7am so we could do more if we wanted to. Of course I was the crazy runner who was the last one in just before 7am and apparently did the most loops = 10. I took my spill on my 3rd loop so it was fairly early on. And, it was another good one, too. It was hard to see the dimension of the rocks in the dark despite my headlamp and I just fell. I scraped up a big chunk of my lower left leg pretty good and it was pretty swollen by the time that I finished up. Thank goodness for K getting the extra large bottle of peroxide after my last fall! At least the wedding dress will cover my legs...

The association between trail running and Rudy's is getting pretty strong. We stopped there for breakfast tacos on our way home. Yum. I made it to work at my regular time (8:30am), while K is snuggled nicely into bed at this moment. Hmph.

Hitting the wall...

Sadie kindly sent me an email on Monday inquiring how I was doing with the wedding stuff and offering to help in any way. I responded that I was managing okay at the moment, but knew that I would hit a wall at some point in the next couple of weeks and flip out. Well, folks, the wall came sooner rather than later.

My work stress has seemingly quadrupled in just a matter of days with a staff member resigning and another wanting to move down to part-time when we are already short-staffed, the possibility of a 2-2 1/2 day trip to Dallas for work in the next couple of weeks before the wedding, dealing with one of my staff getting subpoenaed, etc. It's just the timing of everything that is exacerbating my stress at the moment. The wedding is (for better or worse) 30 days from today. 3-0!

I'm absolutely exhausted - physically and mentally. I am taking the day off from running today (and plan to run on Friday instead). My legs feel heavy and tired, probably from the extra mileage and all the up and down last night. I figure it's better to swap the day off rather than have a mediocre run tonight and get up to do it again in less than 12 hours. Yes, you read right, our quality workout tomorrow is at 5:30am up at Bull Creek. Thankfully, Joe is not taking us up to Ken's Loop because he doesn't want to chance any of us falling off the cliff in the dark. Good decision.

We had our second dance lesson on Monday night. We did a good job remembering the basic steps that we learned last week, then she threw in a turn and dip in there for us to learn. I'm not so eager for the dip, honestly. As we practiced it, she laughingly said that we'll have to work on my facial expressions because I know the fear is clearly reflected on my face!

I went to St. Ed's today to get my ID card and parking permit, as well as get a tour of the campus. I've spent so many years on college campuses, but it still felt like it's been a long time (well, maybe because it has been 5 years). I think I will really enjoy the vibe of being there again. As I was getting my ID card made, I wondered whether I should have used my soon to be married name since I will be getting married during my 2nd week working there. Too bad that I thought of that after the fact. I still haven't decided whether or not I am going to continue using my maiden name professionally. I know a lot of professional women who have chosen to do so because you have built your reputation by that name (for publications, client referrals, etc.). I guess I have a few more weeks to decide...

Search and rescue...

Joe (our coach) and K came to the rescue tonight.

We were set to run 5-miles on a course on the Greenbelt that Joe had previously marked with flags tonight. I ran much of the run on my own ahead of the main pack; K and another guy were the only ones ahead of me. There was another girl who I was aware of that was slightly behind me and she ended up passing me while I stopped to tie my shoes at some point. Thank goodness for that. I didn't start getting concerned until mile 4 or so and then we finally admitted that we were truly lost when we hit mile 5 and weren't anywhere close to the creek to finish up. Thankfully, I had my phone in my Camelbak and called K. I figured at some point he'd get concerned when I wasn't back yet and perhaps think to check his phone in the car. He finally did a little while after I left a message and called me back. He and Joe were headed out to find us, but I had no idea how to convey where we were! Um, we're near some trees and rocks? Meanwhile, we had started to retrace our path in hopes that something would look familiar or, worse comes to worse, we'd make our way back the way that we came. I was out of water and it was going to be dark soon. I was much calmer about the situation than I would have been if I'd been out there alone. Thankfully, they found us somewhat near where we apparently got off course. K had refilled his water bottle so I was able to rehydrate as we headed back. The situation could have easily turned out differently. And, I'm thankful that it had a happy ending (with extra mileage tacked on again for good measure).

A birthday among other things...

Yesterday I quietly turned 32. The day came and went without much fanfare or reflection. Our long run on Saturday morning was at Enchanted Rock, so we drove out to Fredericksburg on Friday after work so that we wouldn't have to make the drive early Saturday morning. We had a delicious pasta dinner out there on Friday then called it an early night at a local B&B. We met up with our group shortly after 8am at Enchanted Rock to get the route then off we went. We started out running around the perimeter before the climb up.
Despite the amazingly hot temps (and minimal tree cover), I felt really good and had a strong run overall. We came up the back side of the rock and finally there was really only way to go...up and over. Once I realized what we had to do, I wanted to stop and cry like a baby. I was terrified of sliding down because the surface was so smooth in some places that it was difficult to get a good footing. Seriously, the only way that I made it up was with group courage. Thankfully, I was with others at that point.
Once we made it off the rock, we stopped to refuel/hydrate then went out again for a shorter loop (avoiding the rock this time!). I was on my own and took a wrong turn so I just headed back the way that I came with a little extra mileage tacked on for good measure.

After the run, we headed back to Fredericksburg to quickly get cleaned up before we had to check-out then had lunch at Cranky Frank's BBQ. The food was yummy, and we even got a t-shirt from the restaurant for K's dad who is indeed "Cranky Frank."
Since I hadn't been to Fredericksburg before, we decided to spend a couple of hours window-shopping down Main Street. I didn't get a post-run nap though so I was on my way to turning into "Cranky Mel," so we headed back to Austin in the late afternoon. No elaborate birthday dinner either...K just picked up pizza for us instead. I think I was in bed by 10pm for the second Saturday in a row.

Overall, I'm still happy with my running right now. I'm getting all my runs in, even with everything else we have going on. For example, I knew we wanted to get on the road quickly after work on Friday so I did something that I *never* do - I got up early and ran before work. And, I realized that I much prefer running in the higher temps of the evening than in the higher humidity of the morning. I enjoyed sleeping in this morning and did my 6-mile run on the Greenbelt this evening instead. I also got a much needed massage today.

In wedding news, we'll hit the 30-day mark in a few days. We had our walk-through at the venue with the caterer last week. I think it was supposed to reduce my anxiety to know that they have things under control, but it had the opposite effect - it raised my anxiety because there's still many things to do and we're quite simply running out of time, especially when you factor in running and my upcoming teaching gig.

An interesting proposal has recently come up at work. The County is considering allowing some employees in certain roles to shift to a 4-day 10-hour work week. When my supervisor initially told me about it, I assumed that it would only apply to line staff in my unit and not necessarily to me. But, I am eligible to be considered for it. So, K and I have talked about it, but I'm still not sure that I'm gung-ho about it for several reasons. I'd probably be willing to give it a try (if it goes forward) to see how it would work, but I'm still not sold on it. It is a nice change of pace though to know that they are actually considering something like this.