Selfish...

I really meant what I said in my previous post about wanting the wedding to be over with already and for us to be happily married. It is causing me such stress, emotionally and financially. I didn't even want this big wedding in the first place. I wanted to get married at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco or on a beach somewhere, just me and K. Then, come back and have a laid-back party to celebrate with friends without all of the hoopla.

But, this is what it is. We are getting married at The Allan House in slightly less than 10 weeks with a guest list of almost 200 people, most of them not even for me if you will. This wedding does not fit neatly into some people's lives...my matron of honor will have an infant son at that point and her brother's wife is expecting their first child then as well; one of my bridesmaids is actively going through infertility treatments; another is training for a marathon less than a month away so there is a good chance she may be scheduled for a 20-mile run that day; other family members and friends simply can't travel or attend because of other things going on in their lives. On one hand, I completely understand that everybody is living their own life and has things going on. The world does not revolve around me, and I have never been one to be demanding of others in that way. At the same time though, this is our special moment in time. We have chosen to include these people in it because we love and care for them. I have been there for others so many times. This is supposed to be my time, our time. Yet, I feel completely selfish for saying that or feeling hurt by it in the first place.