I had my first PT session today and had my first glimmer of hope that I'm going to make it through this.
I'm really glad the doc sent me to start PT early. My anxiety and fear were just getting too big, and clearly had the potential to interfere with my recovery if they continued unchecked. As I have been reflecting on it and trying to sort through my feelings, I have been trying to focus on finishing the sentence "I'm scared." Yes, but of what? I'm scared that it's going to hurt. Obviously. I'm scared that I'm going to hurt it. The nurse and PT both reassured me that moving it isn't going to cause any damage at this point. That helps to know. I'm scared that it's not going to get better. From an orthopedic standpoint, everything looks fine. The problem is mental more than anything else.
I mastered some of the fear today. I have a clearer idea of what I need to do. I want to be as ready as I can be for my next doc appointment in three weeks when I should leave weight-bearing. I have a feeling that's when the real work will begin though.
But, for now, progress is measured in toe curls and heel raises. Funny how quickly things can change. Progress used to be measured in terms of how far and how fast. And, it will again one day. Today though is marked by taking satisfaction in the small successes. One toe curl at a time.
4 comments:
I am sorry that you are hurting, but you are a strong person physcially and mentally so I know you will master this too.
Hang in there, Mel. Let me know if I can help.
You can do this. You are an ultrarunner ... you are strong and tough, and you know that to finish a long race you have to break it down into smaller pieces that you can get your head around, and just concentrate on getting through the next step. It's always scary and overwhelming when you try to see the entire picture ... but you can handle each individual part of this process. That doesn't make it easy, but you CAN do it, one step (or curl, or flex, or movement) at a time.
What everyone who posted previously to me said!
You will come back stronger than ever. I now consider you The Bionic Woman. (queue 70's sound effects)
This recovery is like any other recovery, you have to take it one day at a time; one toe curl, one milestone at a time and celebrate EVERY one you get to along the way.
This is yet another chance for you to see just how strong and resilient you can be! I know you'll do great.
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