Negative...

This is going to be a negative post. I am writing it in hopes that I can then let these feelings go.

Throughout this wedding process, I have been surprised and disheartened to learn who I can depend on and who I can't, which even includes some of the people who are closest to me. Tonight, I had a difficult conversation with one of my best friends from my days in Dallas who was supposed to be an usher in our wedding. The key phrase is "was supposed to be." I have also been disappointed by others who haven't really been there for me along this journey in the way that I would have hoped. It is abundantly (and painfully in some cases) clear that everybody is busy leading their own lives. I guess I had hoped that most would be able to find a way to put their life on hold for a few hours on one night in September to celebrate one of the most important events in my/our life. I have been disappointed to learn that most of my friends from college, graduate school, and internship will not be able to attend the wedding. Obviously, given that neither K or I grew up in Austin or went to school here, we knew that a lot of people (family and friends) would have to travel to attend. It seems that having children has made that difficult for most folks. Yet another reason that I am not eager to jump on the baby train anytime soon.

As Jane reminded me recently, it is not just about this one night though. We will need our friends in our lives beyond this one occasion, and I hope that they will be able to be there for us. I know that I should focus on the positive - I will be marrying the man I love in just a few short days from now and I will be happy to share the experience with those who are there. And, I will be.

But, for the moment, I am hurt and disappointed. Have I mentioned recently how happy I will be when all this is over?