NYC Marathon Take 2: Running with Gratitude

On Sunday, K and I are running the NYC marathon. This is a race that has been 5 years in the making for me. I applied for entry through the lottery in 2009, 2010, and 2011 and didn't get in; therefore, I had guaranteed entry in 2012 under the "3 times a charm" program. Finally! This was to be a significant event for me at that point, as it marked my first marathon back since I broke my ankle in January 2010. I ran my first half-marathon since the injury in January 2012 and was pleasantly surprised that I didn't have any issues with my ankle, so I was eager to test it out at the marathon distance later that year to fully see my journey back to running as complete. But, alas, that was not to be.

After months of putting in the miles (and, having my head in a good space), Hurricane Sandy paid the East Coast a visit just days before the race was scheduled last year. Once the race organizers had given the go ahead earlier in race week that the race was going to happen, it was still uncertain whether we'd actually make it to New York because most flights did not resume until the day we were scheduled to fly out. Thankful to be there (only to be reminded that the city was a federal disaster area at that point,) we learned of the cancellation of the race from a traffic cop as we were walking to our hotel to check-in late Friday afternoon. Denial, shock, confusion, frustration, and anger were all emotions that we experienced that weekend in New York (not about the cancellation of the race itself per se, but the manner in which it was handled by race organizers and city officials at the last minute). The lack of communication from NYRR that weekend, as well as in the forthcoming weeks, only served to heighten those feelings. This picture from our unofficial run in Central Park on race day sums it up for me (well, except for the last line):

Fast forward to this weekend. Runners from 2012 were (eventually) given the option to have their race registration refunded or receive (non-complimentary) entry into the 2013 race. K and I chose the latter option. I needed to get this monkey off my back. So, here we are again.

Unfortunately, that meant another year of training for the same event. And, my 2013 training has not been so stellar for a variety of reasons. Yes, it is entirely possible to have done the requisite 20-miler and still be undertrained. So, not only have I been harboring a lot of self-doubts about my training (and, no, this is not like me stressing about my performance on a test only to end up getting an A), but also a lot of negativity about this race in general (for some of the reasons noted above).

A couple of weeks ago while I was sharing my negative state of mind with my wonderful massage therapist, she encouraged me to try to get to a place where I can run this race on Sunday with gratitude. That was definitely a "light-bulb" moment for me and has stuck with me ever since. There are thousands of runners who did not gain entry into this year's race and would love to be at the starting line suffering through 26.2 miles in New York on Sunday. And, more personally, I need to remember that there were some really dark moments after my ankle surgery when it was far from certain whether I would be able to run again, much less run a marathon.

So, with this change in attitude, I left my Garmin at home. I'm not going to be concerned about my mile splits or overall time on Sunday (I already know it's going to be slooow, so what's the difference between a 9, 10, or 12 minute mile really going to make?). It's not my performance on Sunday that matters. Rather, it's my experience of running my first marathon back through the streets of NYC that really matters. And, then I will be free to move beyond this to whatever is on the other side. For every marathoner knows that you are never the same person when you cross that finish line as you were when you started.