What's really going on...

I promised K that I would blog today. But, even now as I sit down to write, my heart just isn’t in it. I haven’t blogged much at all for the past few months. A lot of things have happened, but I just haven’t really felt like sharing I guess. I think this is part of the larger issue of how much I have been hibernating lately - much more than usual. The call log on my cell phone and the sent mail folder in my email account would clearly illustrate that point as well as the lack of blog posts. I/we just haven’t been very socially engaged lately. Part of that is because we are always so busy it seems and tired as a result of work, running, maintaining the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry), etc. My emotional resources are just zapped, and I feel like I just don’t have the energy to give to others (outside of my professional life). People tend to drain me. I also think my friendships with people have changed within the past year. Maybe it’s really me who has changed? The wedding last year really hit home the point that everyone is busy with their own lives, on their own path that seems to be more and more different from mine. Kids, houses, training goals, careers (or lack thereof), relationships… Sometimes I just find it hard to relate or for others to understand where I am at.

I don’t think this is the blog post that K was expecting. He often asks me “Aren’t you going to blog?” after something has happened. He already knows everything, so I’m always a little taken aback when he says that. I finally asked him this week why he was so eager for me to blog again. Essentially he said so that he will have a better idea of “what I am really thinking.” His point being that if he asks me a question, then I will generally give him a brief response, while I tend to be more open in my blog posts. Point taken. It reminded me of having been described as “guarded” by others in the past. In all of my relationships, I would say that I am the most open with K (good thing, huh, since I’m married to him!). I’m an off the charts introvert though, which means that I am constantly in my head. Always thinking, processing, analyzing, evaluating, considering, planning. That’s what I do. And, in part, I think it’s what makes me a good psychologist.

So, that’s where I am right now. My life is good. I am happy. I am just keeping to myself a lot more at the moment. Maybe that will change or maybe it won’t. I don’t know.